Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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