Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
