Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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