I wannas sexs uuuuu
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize