so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
