Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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