I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
