You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
