Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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