i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize