Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
