I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
