and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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