i already hear my dad disowning me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize