He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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