He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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