How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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