we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
