as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
