Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
