you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
NoShamevember. You game?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
