you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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