Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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