You work out of a Hotel?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
