You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
