I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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