she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
