I can tuck mytits in my pants
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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