My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
