Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
