Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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