i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
