She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
