just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
