Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
