I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
