Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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