WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
