There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
God, I missed his penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
