i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
