Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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