so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
