I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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