Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
