life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize