it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
