There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Holy sore nipples Batman
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
