Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
