We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
