When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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