theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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