There's always time for handjobs
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
