I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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