i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
