how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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