she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
