Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
