I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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