Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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