I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
