yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
