U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
