she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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