I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
