I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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