There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
