Define "chronic" masturbator.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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