I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize