then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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