How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
