I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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