Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
