I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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