I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my poor anus
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
