there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
