i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize