You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Randomize
